That which has been your delight.

“Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains.” - Khalil Gibran

A little over a year and a half ago, my grandmother passed away. There is so little I can write here to describe how devastating this was to my family. My grandma was the matriarch of our family and someone who made you know every day how important you were to her. It was a huge loss that lately feels like it gets harder as time goes on rather than easier.

Today would have been her 80^th birthday.

In honor of the woman that she was and what she meant to me, I am posting a copy of the eulogy I read at her funeral. As rough as that was to do, it was a very cathartic experience and I’m glad I was able to give her that last gift.

Please take into consideration that this was written in the middle of the night before her funeral by a grieving granddaughter and was meant to be read out loud.

 I want to start out by thanking everyone for gathering here today in remembrance and celebration of my grandma’s life.  It is a true testament to who she was as a person to have so many loving members of our family, and friends who feel like family, here today.

I say remembrance and celebration because even though this is pretty much the worst day of my life, when you take a moment to remember the type of person my grandmother was….you can’t help but celebrate the fact that you were so lucky and so blessed to have known her.

She was the matriarch of her family, of her neighborhood, and of probably everyone she ever met.  She was one of the strongest people I have ever known.  There was a time in her life when she was battling cancer so severe that all she wanted was to see me graduate 8^th grade in this very church.  Here we are 16 years later and she has not only seen me graduate college with a master’s degree but most importantly, she was able to see me marry the love of my life 2 years ago.  There is not enough time or words in the English language for me to express my gratitude for those 16 years.  We shared so many special memories and moments during that time.

My grandma was my partner in crime, my best friend, and my hero.  She taught me how to balance a checkbook, cross-stitch, and bake the world’s most delicious cookies.  I idolized her.  My family always teased me that I have inherited her fiery temper, but I hope that one day I can also say that I inherited her ability to love everyone passionately and unconditionally.

This past year she was fighting emphysema, COPD, esophageal problems, bone cancer and still found the time to make cookies for her neighbor Margo’s daughter’s wedding.  At the wedding the bride, Lauren, took a moment to talk about how special my grandma was to her and how she was like her third grandma.  When Margo told my family and I that story she said she hoped I didn’t mind that Lauren was sharing my grandma.

I remember thinking how could I possibly mind…I was honored that Lauren, one of my childhood friends, was lucky enough to be able to share my grandma.  Which also made me think, why was it so easy for me to not mind and to be able to share my grandma, with Lauren, and so many other people.

Well, as most of you here know, mainly because my grandma made it unmistakably known, I am her only precious angel granddaughter chickadee who reminded her so so much of her sweet and perfect daughter Debbie. There was pretty much nothing I could ever do that didn’t make her proud and even when I was wrong…I was still pretty much right in grandma’s eyes.  There is no comparison to how ridiculously proud she was of our entire family.  She loved us and she let us know everyday.

She was a grandmother who lived 1,000 miles away, but loved me so hard that she might as well have lived next door.   And that’s the true legacy of my grandmother.  She loved us so unconditionally and so perfectly that we were happy to share her because we always knew exactly where we stood. And trust me…with grandma…you always knew exactly where you stood.

I have been so blown away by the stories that I have heard about the way my grandmother made people feel these last two weeks.  In my family, we knew how absolutely crazy my grandma was about us…but I don’t think we ever completely knew the impact she had on so many other people.  So many of our friends and neighbors who maybe only knew her for a short amount of time, felt that crazy amount of unconditional love that grandma had not just for us…but for everyone.

When my mom asked me to give this eulogy, I wasn’t sure how to take it. Obviously it was an honor.   But a eulogy is for someone who passed on.   And for some reason I just didn’t feel like that in this situation it was appropriate.  Because as much as I can’t walk into a room and immediately feel like something is missing because she isn't there and am constantly having moments where I think…I cannot wait to tell her about something that just happened…and then I am hit with reality and the grandma shaped hole in my heart.    

I know that I can somehow fill that emptiness with these truths.  The conditions for my grandma being with us physically may no longer be here, but she isn’t gone.  Every time you buy a $200 dollar dress for under $10 at Macy’s, she’s there. Every time you stay up way too late arguing and laughing over a pinochle game, there she is. But mostly every time you reach out to someone that needs love and put their wellbeing ahead of your own…well then I know she’s there. I know that she is there every time we remember how she made us feel, what she taught us about what it means to love, and especially when we treat others with that same compassion that she gave to us.

She made us all feel so loved. My mother was her only child, and we were her only grandchildren, but in one way or another, you were all family to her. And what is truly amazing is that I probably don’t even need to tell you that.  Because she let you know everyday with the way she treated you. 

We are all blessed, not just for having known my grandma, but for having been loved by her.  Her legacy will live on in us forever through the love that she gave us and through the way she taught us to love. 

Thank you all for being here to remember what a remarkable woman my grandma was and for being here to celebrate in gratitude the blessing we were all given of having her love in our lives. 

Birthday Weekend

Mom, me, and Grandma

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” - Khalil Gibran

Happy Birthday