“Oh heart, if one should say to you
that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the
seed remains.” - Khalil Gibran
A little over a year and a half
ago, my grandmother passed away. There is so little I can write here to describe
how devastating this was to my family. My grandma was the matriarch of our
family and someone who made you know every day how important you were to
her. It was a huge loss that lately feels like it gets harder as time goes on
rather than easier.
Today would have been her 80th
birthday.
In honor of the woman that she was
and what she meant to me, I am posting a copy of the eulogy I read at her
funeral. As rough as that was to do, it was a very cathartic experience and I’m
glad I was able to give her that last gift.
Please take into consideration that
this was written in the middle of the night before her funeral by a grieving
granddaughter and was meant to be read out loud.
I say remembrance
and celebration because even though this is pretty much the worst day of my
life, when you take a moment to remember the type of person my grandmother
was….you can’t help but celebrate the fact that you were so lucky and so
blessed to have known her.
She was the
matriarch of her family, of her neighborhood, and of probably everyone she ever
met. She was one of the strongest
people I have ever known. There
was a time in her life when she was battling cancer so severe that all she
wanted was to see me graduate 8th grade in this very church. Here we are 16 years later and she has
not only seen me graduate college with a master’s degree but most importantly,
she was able to see me marry the love of my life 2 years ago. There is not enough time or words in
the English language for me to express my gratitude for those 16 years. We shared so many special memories and
moments during that time.
My grandma was my
partner in crime, my best friend, and my hero. She taught me how to balance a checkbook, cross-stitch, and
bake the world’s most delicious cookies. I idolized her. My
family always teased me that I have inherited her fiery temper, but I hope that
one day I can also say that I inherited her ability to love everyone
passionately and unconditionally.
This past year she
was fighting emphysema, COPD, esophageal problems, bone cancer and still found
the time to make cookies for her neighbor Margo’s daughter’s wedding. At the wedding the bride, Lauren, took
a moment to talk about how special my grandma was to her and how she was like
her third grandma. When Margo told
my family and I that story she said she hoped I didn’t mind that Lauren was
sharing my grandma.
I remember
thinking how could I possibly mind…I was honored that Lauren, one of my
childhood friends, was lucky enough to be able to share my grandma. Which also made me think, why was it so
easy for me to not mind and to be able to share my grandma, with Lauren, and so
many other people.
Well, as most of
you here know, mainly because my grandma made it unmistakably known, I am her
only precious angel granddaughter chickadee who reminded her so so much of her
sweet and perfect daughter Debbie. There was pretty much nothing I could ever
do that didn’t make her proud and even when I was wrong…I was still pretty much
right in grandma’s eyes. There is
no comparison to how ridiculously proud she was of our entire family. She loved us and she let us know
everyday.
She was a
grandmother who lived 1,000 miles away, but loved me so hard that she might as
well have lived next door. And
that’s the true legacy of my grandmother.
She loved us so unconditionally and so perfectly that we were happy to
share her because we always knew exactly where we stood. And trust me…with
grandma…you always knew exactly where you stood.
I have been so
blown away by the stories that I have heard about the way my grandmother made
people feel these last two weeks.
In my family, we knew how absolutely crazy my grandma was about us…but I
don’t think we ever completely knew the impact she had on so many other
people. So many of our friends and
neighbors who maybe only knew her for a short amount of time, felt that crazy
amount of unconditional love that grandma had not just for us…but for everyone.
When my mom asked
me to give this eulogy, I wasn’t sure how to take it. Obviously it was an
honor. But a eulogy is for
someone who passed on. And
for some reason I just didn’t feel like that in this situation it was
appropriate. Because as much as I
can’t walk into a room and immediately feel like something is missing because
she isn't there and am constantly having moments where I think…I cannot wait to
tell her about something that just happened…and then I am hit with reality and
the grandma shaped hole in my heart.
I know that I can
somehow fill that emptiness with these truths. The conditions for my grandma being with us physically may
no longer be here, but she isn’t gone.
Every time you buy a $200 dollar dress for under $10 at Macy’s, she’s
there. Every time you stay up way too late arguing and laughing over a pinochle
game, there she is. But mostly every time you reach out to someone that needs
love and put their wellbeing ahead of your own…well then I know she’s there. I
know that she is there every time we remember how she made us feel, what she
taught us about what it means to love, and especially when we treat others with
that same compassion that she gave to us.
She made us all
feel so loved. My mother was her only child, and we were her only
grandchildren, but in one way or another, you were all family to her. And what
is truly amazing is that I probably don’t even need to tell you that. Because she let you know everyday with
the way she treated you.
We are all blessed,
not just for having known my grandma, but for having been loved by her. Her legacy will live on in us forever
through the love that she gave us and through the way she taught us to
love.
Thank you all for
being here to remember what a remarkable woman my grandma was and for being
here to celebrate in gratitude the blessing we were all given of having her love
in our lives.
 |
| Birthday Weekend |
 |
| Mom, me, and Grandma |
“When you are sorrowful look again
in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which
has been your delight.” - Khalil Gibran
 |
| Happy Birthday |
